Saturday, December 17, 2016

Dolph Lundgren, the Pirate

The other day I was running errands around my small North Georgia town and chatting via my car's bluetooth (drive responsibly, people) with my best guy pal, Viktor. You've heard me mention Viktor before and if you haven't, you should check out an earlier post on my blog page titled, Dolph Lundgren in a Field...
Anyway- so there I am, on my way to the bank, navigating traffic that well exceeds the amount of people in this town and wondering does anyone around this place even work like a standard 9-5 job.... Apparently, no. They do not.
Viktor and I are talking about my latest book, Diesel and the fact that pending edits, it's finished. (It's Christmas Miracle)
As I've said before, Viktor is an extremely talented story teller and can always be relied upon for help when I get stuck or write myself into a corner with my own work.
As he's always apt to do, in the middle of our conversation, he starts telling this fantastic tale centered around how awesome it would be if we co-wrote a romance novel featuring, none other than Dolph Lundgren, who some of you know I've adored since I discovered the difference between boys and girls.
Viktor regaled me with how this epic love story would begin by Dolph's character discovering a shipwrecked damsel who had been enroute to the new world to marry a man she'd never met. Swept away by the dashing pirate Dolph, she agrees to accompany him to Nassau where he's determined to return her to her family and she develops alternative plans that lead to steamy romance and wild adventures.
Our conversation lasted through the banking experience and on to the post office, which is located on the complete opposite side of town; so approximately 15 minutes but with the holiday traffic, it became more like 30. As we continued batting around story ideas in jest, a real story line began to form in my head though I didn't confess this to Viktor. I went home later that day and fleshed out the first chapter just to see what would happen. The next day, I wrote another chapter and now we're up to four, almost completed.
Most of Viktor and I's conversations usually end up in some form or fashion centering around Dolph and I wonder occasionally if Dolph would appreciate being the focus of so many wild tales. Probably not. For instance, a few weeks ago, Viktor and I were again discussing my favorite celebrity and he asks me:
Viktor: "If Dolph showed up at your door and asked you to run away with him, would you leave everything behind and go?"
Me: Resoundingly, no. I would not. For a few reasons.
Viktor: Which are?
Me: 1. If Dolph Lundgren showed up at my house professing his undying love for me I'd have no choice but assume he's out of his ever-loving mind. He'd have to be crazy. I'm cute, but I'm also 4'11, chubby and poor. Why would he want a hobbit when he can have supermodels and hot actresses? I already have enough crazy in my life and I don't need more. Even if it does come wrapped up in a smoking hot dude who is every thing I ever found attractive in a man.
Viktor: What's the other reason?
Me: Well, I've been married for a long time and while penises do come in all shapes and sizes, they also come with exact same attachments... dirty socks, an inability to accept that the 'little woman' might be right when she tells you to read the directions, and a ingrained belief that the washing machine has a terminal contagious illness attached to it which he'll contract if he washes his own underwear.
Viktor had no response for my answers because well... he's a guy.

That said, while this story is not so effortless as Diesel has been and has required some hardcore research on my part, it's shaping up nicely and I'm loving the ease of its flow.
The male lead's name is not Dolph in the story, just in case you're wondering but he does bear a striking resemblance to the rugged Swede, who is more than just a pretty face, but a brilliant mind as well.

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